You have been invited. You were not asked. The cat is certain.
The Wedding of Two Cats
Who Are Not Getting Married
Together, and also apart, and in a sea of tuna, the cat and the cat-shaped cloud request the honour of your absence.
Open the next box. Each box opens onto the next. The last box is the first box, slightly to the left.
An Audit of Every Nap the Cat Has Ever Taken
Cats sleep between twelve and sixteen hours a day, which means this audit is mostly paperwork. It does not balance. Under the dream's one law, a nap only counts if someone was watching it, and nobody was watching all of them.
| Naps recorded | 412 |
| Naps accounted for | 409 |
| Naps unaccounted for (in the spoon) | 3 |
| Cloud the cat was mistaken for | 1, still up there |
Cat fact: a group of cats is called a clowder. A cat's third eyelid, the nictitating membrane, slides sideways across the eye, and it is not optional.
The Wooden Spoon That Stirs Time
The spoon stirs time clockwise on weekdays and anticlockwise when nobody is in the kitchen. Time, stirred, becomes a thick warm custard that the cat lies in and calls a nap.
Cat fact: cats cannot taste sweetness. The cat has never been told this and has never asked about it.
The Exact Shape of a Yawn, Drawn With String
The cat has been working on this for many afternoons. Each attempt is a little more mouth. Each attempt is also a little more cat.
Scroll too fast and the page yawns for you.
Cat fact: a cat's ears have about thirty-two muscles each, which is why the cat can hear a tuna tin open from another room, and why it keeps turning around.